Girlpool from our show Saturday
Girlpool from our show Saturday
I wrote this song when Crooked Tooth was just me and I didn’t know what else to do.
This is really exciting and I’m sure you may have seen this but Erika and I have been making music and it’s been really great. I don’t have a ton of mediums to overshare on so I guess I’ll be doing it here. This was a huge labor of love and meant a lot to me to go from nothing to this. I know it sounds silly and if you listen it’s just pop music, but doing this has been cathartic.
A little less than a year ago I was spending a lot of time with someone that I had a really weird relationship with. I was drinking and getting fucked up a lot with this person. It got to a point where they were spending nights at my house, staying up until the wee hours of the morning and overall I realized at that point it was getting a little bit weird. He had a girlfriend and I didn’t want to be a garbage person to myself, him or this person that I would inadvertently be really hurting by enabling this dynamic to continue. I let him know how I felt and how it meant we couldn’t see each other. It made me really sad, but the alternative would have been to continue engaging in something that I don’t think is fair, good or right. Perhaps a younger version of me would have been less sensitive and pushed harder for something. I wasn’t without fault, I did rationalize a lot.
“If it was THAT bad he wouldn’t do this”
“He should know better”
“She probably knows, and I guess they are just that comfortable”
I was being a coward on a lot of different levels and I was not owning my feelings entirely; neither was he. It was just sad.
The reason why this situation is relevant because even when you recognize you have to stop something or make a change it’s never easy. Especially when the immediate engagement and feelings are really exciting and good.
I was super upset about this. I had to let go of someone that I was allocating almost all of my time with. I went to having someone around all the time to being alone. In the past I usually would just drink and watch movies without leaving my house for a while. After an Easter weekend bender and saying goodbye I realized that perhaps this normal route of feeling sad might not be ideal. This situation caused me to realize I had to change two things:
1. Don’t do shit like that again.
2. Stop fucking drinking as a means to cope. Drinking was such a huge factor in the previous situation that it was pretty crystal clear afterwards that it was not a remedy for sadness.
I picked up a guitar and got manic. I decided that’s what I was going to do and that’s how I would pour my emotions into something that wasn’t just something to dull my senses. I remember Katy came over to show me how to do some basic records and that I should figure out my voice (my literal vocal sound). I was learning chords, making things up, and playing until my fingers were completely cut up. I couldn’t leave my house, I just smoked and tried to play music. The song on Erika and my album called “Play Me” was the first song I wrote during those first two weeks. And it’s just kept going until we got to here.
So yeah in a sense it’s just a little EP but it’s also become a personal marker of a time where I realized I needed to be better. The response has been so nice so I’m gonna take this as a sign that I should continue to try and be better.
We’ll be playing shows soon and due to the response over the past few days we will be making some cassettes! Really excited to see what the next steps are.
I just made this because I’m working on a design for my band’s page and this seemed like something that I could get behind.
It has images of Dot, Frizzy, some thing that’s crying, and also Lisa Simpson
Kate by Chris
One of the best things about being with Chris is that he consistently introducing me to things I would have never found on my own.
Time is all I can move
each little piece drips out
The crack in the window let’s light in and I see the palm fronds, Hollywood sign, lucky cat.
Then it all disappears. Eyes closed.
I can feel the sensations and bursting through
oh my god.
I’m humming a song that you just sang.
the melody is muddled and now all I can do is hear flecks of what it was.
I just want four walls and adobe slats